Of course, I realized the idiocy of my desire as soon as I had voiced it. I dearly long for spare time whenever I don't have it -- but when I have it, I don't know what to do with it. The things on my to-do list don't get done. As I discussed in my last post, this is probably because I lack both vision and discipline, although I lack discipline more so than vision. But sometimes you can find them in weird places.
I usually only get myself up when I have to get up (and sometimes not even then!), and Saturday was a day when I had to get up. Even though I had foolishly stayed up until 3:00am the previous night, I drug myself out of bed, scarfed down some pancakes, and took a short shower. Consequently, I actually left on time -- and would have arrived on time if I hadn't forgotten to bring enough money for the bridge toll into San Francisco. Anyway, it was a stunningly beautiful day as I drove through Marin County and across the Golden Gate. I met up with my friend Tim in Golden Gate Park to go see the new California Academy of Sciences. His other friend named Brian arrived shortly thereafter and we enjoyed an eye-opening trip through the coastal waters of California, the coral reefs of the Phillipines, the lemurs and baobab trees of Madagascar, and rainforests of Borneo, Madagascar, and the Amazon, as well as seeing exhibits of anthropology, archaeology, taxidermy, evolution, and environmentalism. There was still more that we didn't see, but it certainly was a reminder of the incredible diversity that exists in this world, and a re-inspirer of awe and wonder at the earth's dynamic and adaptable nature.
After the museum closed at 5:00, Tim and I went to a restaurant less than a block away from Golden Gate Park, named Park Chow. It also displayed a large degree of diversity, from the five different seating ambiances to the fifteen different kinds of non-alcoholic drinks they offered (and not just fifteen flavors of Italian soda)! We decided after dinner to head home rather than do something else, because Tim was tired and we couldn't really think of anything to do while it was dark; but that was just as well, because my high school friend Brenda (whom I hadn't seen in almost two years) had just invited me to her house for a game night with her husband and friends. So I drove back up to Rohnert Park (listening to a podcast on the way that happened to be about discipline) and enjoyed a fun-filled night of Apples to Apples, The Game of Real Life, and jello shots.
I spent the night at her place, since I was intending on going to church in Santa Rosa, to see the folks from New Vintage -- the church and small group I went to during fall and winter 2007-2008. Brenda invited me to go to see her church, but their services were at the same time, so I gratefully declined. In the morning, though, I started thinking again about Brenda's offer, and reasoned that, since a major point of church is to share community with fellow believers, it made more sense to go with her & Keith, whom I knew would be there, than to New Vintage, and hope to find someone I knew there. So I gathered the strength -- again -- to get out of bed, and made it to their service at 9:00.
Actually, their service was at 10:45, but they had gone early to practice in the band. Brenda sang and Keith played the drums. And guess what? their bass player was out of town this week, and they had no one to sub for him. Naturally, I got volunteered, and the songs proved easy enough (or I was gifted with extranatural abilities that day), so I played for the service. And the sermon that day was on "deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Me" -- again touching on discipline, both in abstaining from what you want, and in doing what you don't want, all for the purpose of a greater good ("for I count all else as loss, worthless rubbish").
Well, it was a good thing I had chosen to attend Brenda's church, not only because I got to attend church with them -- and not even because I had been able to fill a need of theirs. For when I got to New Vintage, I was reminded that they had changed the location of their Sunday service! There wouldn't have been anyone there if I had gone! But just before I left, I asked a guy there if the small group was meeting, and a girl behind him overheard and said it was happening there, in half an hour. And simultaneously I recognized the girl behind her, whom I knew from the church but had never been in our small group when I was there. So we got to talking, and she was reading the book for the small group (trying to do some last-minute catch-up!). I asked her what the chapter we were discussing was on. Guess what. Discipline.
That discussion reminded me why I had like that small group so much. When a bunch of people get together to discuss their respective journeys through life, and we share our thoughts, questions, problems, and hopes, it is a wonderful bonding experience. Three of these people I had previously been in small group with (David, Seth, and Adrianne), plus the girl (Christine) whom I had known from hanging out after services. The other people had evidently gotten to know these four and each other over the past few months, but there were still several people who didn't attend regularly, so I wasn't the only newcomer. But we displayed how to act as a community: respecting each other, listening to each other, offering our thoughts, working together in the simultaneous journeys through this book and through life; in general, building each other up. In fact, our strength as a community was tested when one member, arriving a little bit early, got fed up with the direction the group was going and how he felt he was being treated, and announced his permanent departure. The members of the group who knew more about the situation than I did did not just let him go: they continued to try to reach him, with both reason and with passion, trying to explain the balance between individual and community, and especially emphasizing the communities' responsibilities for each other. We could not just let him go, we explained, because we have a duty as Christians to work out our problems with each other, and because each member of our group is too important to just let go. It is not easy keeping a large group happy (our small group was pushing 10), and we admitted that we are still figuring out just how to run this group, in addition to learning how to be authentic Christians. It wasn't a lot of begging (but his closer friends did beg when the need arose), but rather straight and honest talk ready to admit our own faults. It was really quite maturely handled, and I was very impressed to see a bunch of college-age kids act as they did. It left me with the feeling that THIS is how Christian communities should look.
It also left me with a feeling of closeness to God that I haven't felt since the last time I met with them. It gave me a vision (the second topic we talked about today) of how my life with God could be better, and what it needed. It needed community! Of course I knew that already, but what God was showing me was how much I needed it, how much other people needed it, and how He was making it possible for me to attend this group, they having moved their meetings to Sundays. God and I continued our conversations for the rest of my alone time that day, showing me how much good having Vision can do for you -- especially as you're trying to navigate your course through life! Vision is indispensable, but so is discipline. If life is a ship, then vision is your captain, and discipline is your crew. Discipline without vision gets you nowhere, as does vision without discipline. You've got to know the ship, and know the course, and master both in order to get places.
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